An A-Z of Tory Incompetence, Ineptitude, Hypocrisy and Seeming Criminality ‘Carry on Up the Khyber'

I’ve written this simple A to Z guide so it can be used to stitch a sampler; be recited at night when you can’t sleep; used as a memory game and test by senior citizens, or be used for home schooling for young people.

Whatever.

It isn’t a work of art. It was dashed off in an hour. But I hope you take it in the spirit in which it was written.

Many thanks to James Bonallack, Bill Fleming, Janet Fleming, Evelyn Birkinshaw and Andy Birkinshaw for ideas and all other friends who made suggestions.

A is for AUSTERITY,

Unequal, unfair,

B for the BANKERS,

Their cupboards are never bare,

C CAMBRIDGE ANALYTICA,

Hide the data away,

D is for DEBT,

Make the poor rue the day,

E for the Centre

That’s right-wing, EXTREME,

F for the FASCISTS,

To which this can lead,

G is for GRENFELL,

A crime that burns on,

H HERD IMMUNITY,

The poor shouldn’t live long,

I’s for INDIVIDUALISM,

Samuel Smiles, arise,

J JUNIOR DOCTORS,

Hunt dabs a tear from his eyes,

K is for KNIGHTS,

Right-wing peers of the realm,

L is LEAVEEU,

Banks and Cummings at the helm,

M is for MAY,

And her hostile environment,

N’s Dorries NADINE

And the truths that she’s bent,

O is for OVID

‘I quote the Classics, you know,

Don’t worry about Covid,

For Cumming’s all go.’

P is for POVERTY,

It isn’t our fault,

Q for the QUEEN,

Johnson lied to of course,

R’s the RUSSIA REPORT,

Vanished at source,

S is for SPAFFING,

Etonians rule,

T is the TELEGRAPH,

Yet another propaganda tool,

U’s UNIVERSAL CREDIT,

I mean CRUELTY, UNIVERSAL,

V is for VICTORY,

Against Johnny Foreigner and all,

W is WINDRUSH,

A generation traduced,

X for XENOPHOBIA

That the Tories unloosed,

Y is for YOUNG

Toby, right wing and white,

Z’s for that ZIP WIRE,

STICK JOHNSON RIGHT

(UP THE KHYBER).